More NaNo Excerpts – Action Sequence

by Catherine

Ok! So I am still chugging along on my nano goal – I am currently at 16,665 – a bit shy of the weekend goal of the 18,333 needed to be on track – but its only 9:30 – I’ve still got time till midnight!

So, today I wrote my first action sequence – which was something I had been avoiding so far this month (I am not really sure why – because I think it was actually kind of fun) I  was probably just nervous cause it an ‘unknown’ in the realm of writing – for me at least. Anyway… here is my action sequence – let me know what you think. Should there be more action – more details? I would love to hear some critiques! Thanks in advance and good luck to all  – we are now in the deep trenches of nano territory! PS – its not edited so excuse any mistakes and feel free the point them out for later revision!

Together they began the long journey. It was pretty uneventful up until about an hour in. After some non-stop swimming – they came to a large crevasse. Lexus stopped. “Can you feel that?” he asked.

“No, what is it” Selene whispered this – slightly afraid of what Lexus was referring to.

“It’s something big – and its lair is down inside that crevasse.”

“Do you think we can go around it?” asked Selene.

“No, that will require a lot of back tracking and with the humans lurking we can’t really afford the extra time. Maybe if we move slowly – we won’t disturb it.”

“I don’t know about this,” protested Selene, “I can sort of feel it too – I think it’s hungry.”

“Well lets hope that mermaid isn’t on its favorites list.”

“Didn’t you come this way to find me – did you pass this before?!”

“I passed it before – but I didn’t detect anything living down there. Must have just moved in.”

“Great…” Selene followed Lexus closely – she was glad for a moment that he was there – but her annoyance with him still lingered below the surface.

They slowly sailed over the crevasse. Selene looked down wondering what monstrous being could be dwelling down there. The crevasse was a deep split in the ocean floor – dark and foreboding. A few bubbles escaped upward and slinked past her face. She thought she saw movement and grabbed for Lexus’ arm. She churned the water in the process. Lexus felt the movement and whipped his head around to see what she was doing. He put his finger to his mouth – signaling her to calm down and keep moving.

They kept moving for another few minutes when she saw the movement again – this time she was certain something was watching them.

“Lexus,” she hissed, “I think it is watching us…” she pointed in the direction she had seen movement.

His sight reached where her finger was aimed. Just at that same moment a ten foot long angler fish came snapping out of the crevasse. It stopped abruptly, keeping its lower end protected by the cover of opening in the Earth – it eyed them closely. Dark muddy scales covered its body. Its fins were tattered in places from what must have been past fights. It was bobbing like a drunkard while its bulbous nob teetered in front of its face. Slowly it chomped its mouth looking eager for a meal. Its large sharp – thin teeth – were at least a foot long. They looked sharp enough to skewer a merman in swift movement.

Both Selene and Lexus stopped dead in their tracks. They looked at each other quickly – Lexus yelled ‘swim!’ to her and she took off. Lexus dove deep – straight for the fish. Selene reached the other side of the crevasse and hid behind a large rock that jutted straight out of the sea floor at the end of the crevasse. She watched Lexus – gripping the rock in terror.

She was relieved to discover that Lexus was a very skilled swimmer. He evaded chomp after chomp by quickly changing direction. The angler fish was just was skilled though. It too, quickly changed its direction making right angle turns seem natural. She watched the two of them in what seemed like some kind of death dance. The angler was gaining on Lexus. She was about to jump out from behind the rock when Lexus picked up his speed and shot straight through an opening in a rock formation on the other side of the crevasse. The hole was plenty large for Lexus to get through but the angler, in all his excitement at a rare delicacy, swam straight through the opening and got stuck.

Still chomping it wriggled forwards and backwards – but it was no use, the fish was nicely sandwiched in. Lexus approached it flexing his black arm. He looked as if he might sacrifice it right there, but stopped and looked to Selene. He took one last look at the fish and swam to meet her.